Poverty vs Wealth: Finding balance in Guatemala

Lion to wildebeest, shark to fish, bold to faint, rich to poor.  One common denominator: opposites.  More than just opposites, there is a perfect balance formed when two co-exist.  When there is no abuse in dominance, they support and maintain each other.  

Let's take a look at humans.  If we through education, ingenuity, and opportunity can be the most powerful creations on earth, what then are the opposites we must balance? Just the converse of power: Helplessness, defenselessness, feebleness.  
As a specie, do we strive to find our balance?  Could the solution be in front of or next to us?

ABOVE: The poor. The defenseless. The underprivileged.  The Que' chi children of the Guatemala's Polochic region.

All too often, those of us with great knowledge and worldly treasures, aka “the rich”, find ourselves feeling empty in places money can’t fill.  Some of us justify overworking and spending less time with our children because we’re convinced we’re giving our kids a “better life” than we had growing up or that success in our career will equate to happiness in the end.  Nevertheless, we don’t feel fulfilled and neither do our children.  It is in their circle of friends that our sons and daughters develop their greatest trust, slowly severing connections with their own absent family.  In the end we look around feeling disconnected and confused.

I have seen the family that struggled through in humility—the one where the kids have paper routes, babysit, sell crafts and mow lawns to help mom and dad scrape by.  Those children know the value of hard work. They may lack poise and refinement or fashion and working knowledge of iPads and Xbox, but they are not lazy.  They are not gluttonous, addicted to drugs, or serving time in prison.

This post is not about money; neither is it about making work-a-holics feel ashamed about their successes.  No, this post is intended to help fuel the inner desire in each of us to find our balance one with another. 

It is time to fill the poverty of the poor with the wealth of the rich and time to fill the poverty of the rich from the wealth of the poor.

Now on to the trip where experienced this lesson in action…

ABOVE: Daniel uses the camera he received for Christmas to take pictures of art exhibits in Miami International Airport

He loves to borrow my phone and my camera to take pictures and videos. During the trip he documented events through his own eyes.

THE WHY: Behind the Service

In 2008 I took on a frightening challenge: a 3 year old boy named Daniel.  My sister left a letter behind asking that I share my education, faith, funds, and love with her youngest child in the event of her death.  When she died, she wanted me to fill Daniel’s voids.  I could do that, but who would fill mine?

When I have felt my inner strength disintegrating, I have found repair in doing things for others.  While in Africa in July 2011, I constantly repeated in my head a song titled “Because I have been Given Much”.  That song reminded me of my obligation to give of my surplus to those who stand in need.  I always loved the song and how it inspired me to serve.  Summarized, it explains that if we have, we should give--no matter how little we think we have.

While spending time with the Mayans in the Polochic region of Guatemala this Holiday season, I realized WHY service helps me so much.  I feel fulfilled by giving every last ounce of me to those who need me.  In reality, I need them as much as they need me.  Serving with an open heart and an open mind allows us to both serve and teach while being inspired in return.  
Receiving is the missing “yin” to the serving “yang”. 

We have so much to give and simultaneously so much to receive!  Can’t we all afford to drop our pride enough to be taught and served in humility?  

Chalyce, one of our expedition leaders, taught a phenomenal lesson on this very topic.  Here are my takeaways:

• Where one is strong, another may be weak. 
• Where one is rich, another may be poor. 
• We have the ability to fill the voids of others with our surplus, yet do we? 
• Another has the surplus to fill our voids; will we allow them to serve us?

THE WHAT: Christmas of a Different Sort

“Did you finish all your Christmas shopping?” “What are you going to get?” Is it wrong to be sick of those questions?

“Are you spending Christmas with your mother or with your father?" Am I justified to detest the arguments and dramatics that result from the answer to this question? 

“Are you going to New Hampshire or staying in Georgia?" It’s a question that makes my heart drop in my chest. I didn’t want to face that question or the uncertainty it triggered.

This was our Christmas:

The Vincent-Ivy duo shook things up.  No more entertaining the notion that Christmas is about gifts or anything commercial.  There was no Santa visit and there were of no cookies and milk this year (but plenty of tortillas).  Instead, we embraced the Christmas spirit of giving, enjoying each other, becoming humble, and beginning to fill the massive voids we developed in 2012.

I wanted to show Daniel that we can have the best Christmas by spending dedicated time together making memories that couldn’t be pulled off a shelf.  Stories, videos, and board games at home could not provide us with the experience we needed to have together. We didn’t need a tradition or a Christmas Ham to make the day just right. Rather than CELEBRATING Christmas, we needed to EXPERIENCE Christmas.

Once in Guatemala, Christmas Eve was spent on a day trip to Antigua (the former capital and a city full of hidden ruins) to meet up with new friends Mike and his two children Zach and Katie.  There we took a trip to the authentic/traditional market where Daniel made his first negotiated purchase ever—a coin wallet.  After shopping in the market, we enjoyed dinner at a former convent/ruins turned hotel/restaurant (Casa Santo Domingo).  Daniel thought the corpses in the crypt were the neatest part of the location.

 

On Christmas day we enjoyed French toast, huevos rancheros, hot chocolate, and fruit for breakfast at the beautiful Intercontinental Hotel in Guatemala City.  Then we swam in the pool all day (most of my time was in the hot tub to alleviate some spinal pain), and we finished the day with Daniel making tortillas at a nearby Tacotento and eating some of the greatest guacamole EVER.  At night we watched fireworks light up the sky in Guatemala City from the hotel ledge.  Aside from the armed guards with semi-automatic weapons on the streets, there weren’t many people out on Christmas and, from what the concierge explained, it would be a safe day.

On the morning of the 26^th, Daniel and I rode horses up Pacaya, one of 36 of Guatemala’s volcanoes and one of the 3 most active volcanoes.  

Toward the top we dismounted and hiked the last part of the way through the ash and volcanic rock to roast marshmallows in some of the hot craters. We collected volcanic rocks and headed back down the volcano with our guide amongst the array of armed guards on the trails.   

Two days after our visit, CONRED issued a bulletin that Pacaya had experienced three recent explosions with ash seen up to 3km above sea level and advised that Pacaya’s Strombolian activity would continue for days or weeks, causing explosions in the crater and possible lava flows.  

For reference, a Strombolian volcano is characterized by regular or constant explosions throwing pasty lava and is accompanied by lava flows and gas emissions. 

We are pretty fortunate to have gone up the volcano before the bulk of its activity as now people are being advised to steer clear of the volcano and to avoid dangerous situations (perhaps such as roasting marshmallows inside the volcano’s craters).

 ABOVE: Daniel strolled to a crater edge in the ash on Pacaya to overlook San Vicente and the surrounding volcanoes. This is one of my favorite pictures of Daniel from the trip. 

After we checked out of the Intercontinental, we switched over to Hotel Barcelo in preparation for the period of experiential learning and service.

THE WHERE: Land of the Que’chi

On the evening of the 26^th we met up with the rest of the CHOICE Humanitarian crew and began our new adventure together.  We knew one other volunteer, a friend from my teenage years named Alisa.  Knowing other people in advance was not a requirement for us as our adventure would occur whether with strangers or long time friends.  We were going so we might give to and learn from the Que’ chi people in a valley 10 hours from Guatemala City nestled in the rainforest towards the top of a breathtaking mountain range.  The manual project focused on adding on to a school.  The real project focused on the balance between the haves and the have-nots. In any instance we could fit into either category.

ABOVE: December 2012 CHOICE volunteers

It didn’t take long for me to realize (once again) that the other volunteers are as much in need of being served as the village people.  Each volunteer had a unique and inspiring story to share.  

Each of us came from a different walk of life and endured an array of experiences and struggles that helped develop the stronger individuals we are now: recent divorcees realizing self-worth; single parents building their strength; young professionals refining their characters and gaining greater perspectives; a couple of 20 years strengthening their family.  We each had struggles we hoped to bury inside us during our time in the Polochic.  Instead, for many of us, we unearthed those struggles and found strength and guidance in the words, actions, and experiences of others.

Each volunteer’s strengths came out and blessed the community of residents and volunteers.  Chalyce’s perceptiveness and loving heart nurtured and comforted many.  Sarah’s spunk and obvious love for the Que’chi people spread like wildfire, igniting a desire for each of us to cast in more than the 110% we expected of ourselves.  Katie’s excitement for a mural and Harvest’s stretch-a-little-further-vision led to two inspiring paintings that moved the village leader into tears (no, men don’t admit to crying in Guatemala either…) 

Kayleen infected everyone with a little more pep and provided a healthy dose humor.  Dionne cured multiple migraines and accompanying nausea with her essential oils and Dr. Quinn ways.  More than a few bug bites were soothed and sun burns cooled by her array of natural remedies. Annie provided a silent strength for every young Que’chi (and American) female to look up to.  The young girls adored her.  Alisa displayed poise and grace through struggle and resolve in the enlightening aftermath.  Tom and Ken and their families provided active examples of families to emulate.  Phenomenal children.  Rock solid mothers.  Positive ways to sort through trials. The dads and older males on the trip provided Daniel with an immense amount of attention and love.  I promised myself there I would give him nothing less than a father figure who will love him and fill the void he has where a father’s love should be.   

Zack lit up my world with his brilliance, enthusiasm, and strong work ethic he gained from his awesome dad, Mike.  Andrew taught me many things about bold, yet quiet leadership. He taught me about the power of charisma despite sleeping on concrete floors, taking cold showers, and being attacked by spiders and other prying insects.  Laura Beth taught me of dedication beyond expectations.  Marta and Jorge treated me like their own child and relayed the importance of strengthening one’s roots.  Jorge worked hard in life to go to school, to become a lawyer, and later to share his educational wealth and business expertise with his people.  They spoke the right words to soothe my troubled heart and exactly when I needed to hear them.  Santiago taught me of devotion when it seems the odds are against you.  

I LOVED to see Daniel emulating the hard work the others were showing him how to accomplish.

 

A little girl named Glinda saw through my thoughts to touch the part of me that needed no words.  Glinda painted my nails.  I braided her hair.  She was my assistant and helped instruct other girls on how to make necklaces.  She sat in my lap on New Year’s Eve with her little fingers entwined in mine and loved me despite my many flaws.  I loved how she loved me and soothed the aching only I knew about inside—the aching that comes with thinking about the little girl I wanted to have and hoped to be planning for by now.

Making necklaces with the girls (and eventually even some of the boys), playing Frisbee with the kids (graciously provided by Seth and the Chevrolet account), blowing bubbles in the wind, stomping dirt to pack down the new school’s floor: all these were experiences that transcended speech.  True, I learned some Que’chi: K’ol means necklace; Guak’ash means cow; Se’ek means laugh; Chime means star.  Without language mastery, I learned the people. Friendship needs no dictionary.  Service needs no words.

 ABOVE: Sweet Miria and I work on necklace making

 ABOVE: Daniel takes a break from hard work for a little horse play

 ABOVE: Necklace making time with the girls

THE HOW: Manual labor and mental processing

Understanding living conditions. Along with a few other ladies, Daniel and I visited a home one might call a hut at best.  I was honored to serve as a translator for our group.  The home consisted of one common room used for cooking, sleeping, storing, eating, living.  Ducks and dogs roamed freely in and out on the dirt floor.   


The home had no doors hung in the doorways.  The walls, merely sticks, had no insulation or mud.  The family ate corn tortillas, black beans, mandarins picked off the trees, and coffee grown in their… yard...   

 ABOVE: Grinding corn to make your own corn tortillas takes time and lots of effort!

Once a week to every other week they ate duck as they had one adult duck and 11 ducklings.  On special occasions they killed one of their little pigs.  Since there is no refrigeration, the whole pig must be eaten in one day.  The idea of grinding my own corn to make tortillas day-in-day-out hurts my head.  Life without a refrigerator makes me sad.  Fruit would spoil so quickly!

 

The toughest thing in Daniel's opinion was the concept of having to wash one's own clothes By Hand!  We had the opportunity to wash clothes with the family.  We used a bit too much water.  :( 

 

Teach fishing, don’t supply fish.  It would be a massive undertaking to build more livable homes for these families—homes with indoor plumbing or protection from the mosquitos and rodents.  Building homes for the over 20,000 in the area would not only be nearly impossible to fund, it would be counter-intuitive to the objective of empowerment. Instead, CHOICE Humanitarian’s efforts are focused on teaching skills and sanitary best practices and building schools and the recently the first regional hospital. (Dedicated in December 2012 and now seeking equipment donation and time/service donations from medical professionals).

Manual labor is more manual in the rainforest. Without tractors or power tools our group threw in solid muscle into pick-axing and digging dirt to move it from one hillside to back fill a foundation for an addition to the school.  There were only two wheel barrows to haul dirt from one place to the other.  We packed dirt with our feet by stomping or dancing on the ground.  

School = shelter.  Three separate classrooms served as our temporary hotel rooms. Here was Daniel’s paradigm shift: Sleeping on an air mattress on a concrete floor with humid air and sometimes a leaky roof IS sometimes the preferred choice when the other option is to sleep on the dirt with nothing to keep the spiders off your body.

  ABOVE: Dirt packing in the Polochic!

Women inspire. With our presence we hoped to slowly shift the villager’s mentality towards women and work.  In this culture, young males are expected to work, but young women should not work.  Rather, they should prepare to be wives and to make babies.  Seeing so many American women there and working helps to inspire the girls to shift the view and to contribute in more roles than only a mother role.  A couple times we were able to get a few girls in to help stomp dirt and Laurabeth was able to get a few girls to play Frisbee (the previous days only the boys would play).

Art motivates the mind. We made two murals with bright colors meant to inspire and encourage the students to dream and to become empowered by gaining knowledge. One mural showed a globe and had people of the world around the globe and the phrases for “Hello” in various languages including Shona, Tonga, Spanish, French, German, English, and Que’ chi.  Trying to make cream colored skin was by far the most difficult task in the entire mural process.  :)  The second mural was of the house from the movie “UP” which apparently many of the children have seen when a previous volunteer group showed the movie.  Next to the mural we painted the phrase “Let your dreams lift you UP”.  Our dreams, when allowed to rise, do lift our hearts and minds. I felt extremely at peace while working on the mural and letting everyone else do the hard work.  ;)  

Working together strengthens individually.  The most beautiful memory in my mind occurred when several volunteers began lifting cinderblocks from one location and taking them to the room under construction.  A fire line was assembled to make the work more efficient.  Villagers were asked to join.  Soon, the small group of volunteers became an awe-inspiring conveyor line connecting local to volunteer.  Everyone worked together without a language barrier and everyone was strengthened from within.  

THE WHY NOT: Eat, Dance, be Merry

On a three separate occasions a group of villagers provided musical entertainment for us on handmade instruments and a shiny drum set.  The music, while at times difficult to talk over, provided a welcome change of pace and made us feel appreciated.

On one night a few volunteers were prompted to share their musical talents.  Chalyce blew the group away when she busted out drum sticks and "ruled" the drum set. The male villagers were especially astonished by her skills.  Andrew played guitar and sang my favorite Old Crow Medicine tune “Wagon Wheel”, Sadie and her angel voiced brother Ian singing a duet, Chalyce and Sarah sang their upbeat duet “Cupid” (which also served as the Stockam’s 20^th anniversary song), and I shared one of my songs “Smile” co-written by my dear friend Louis Leonard.
 
On New Year’s Eve, around 300 villagers came together to Santiago’s house for a grand celebration. The volunteers were served a grand meal and ate while the villagers watched.  I became quite self-conscious of my eating and hoped someone would snatch the volcano shaped shredded carrot mount sitting on my plate that could NOT go to waste.  How could I not eat all of my food knowing that the residents of the house we had just visited only had beans and corn tortillas while we maintained the luxury of vegetables, fruits, and meats?  For the villagers, this meal was an honorable way to express thanks for our contributions to the projects intended to excel their children's education. 

After dinner, Glinda sat with me while we watched the villagers perform dances depicting the changes in dance and clothing style over the years.  In the initial dance the men and women barely touched, if at all.  In the final performance the dancers wore jeans and t-shirts (often donated clothing) and danced close and a little funkier.

ABOVE: My sweet Glinda!

As a “thank you” back to the villagers, Sarah (our resident Zumba instructor) led a group of us volunteers to dance to Shakira’s “Waka Waka”.  From my vantage point I could see many surprised faces, many smiles, several laughs, and few impressed expressions.  Off and on I endured joint pains and a few headaches which were tempered by the warm weather, but that day specifically I had the least physical pain and was excited to be able to provide entertainment for the villagers.  

After the NYE performances music played and people danced.  I grabbed an older villager and made him dance with me for what seemed to be a song longer than Celine Dion’s “All by Myself” ballad.  Little girls danced and volunteers danced with them.  Daniel played with the kids and chased pigs until the fireworks started and he curled up next to Sadie, his new much older dream girl.

ABOVE: Daniel braiding Sadie's hair

Ringing in the new year, I set a few goals:
 

I vowed to become better in 2013 than I was in 2012.  I vowed to strive for a more meaningful life than the one I had in 2012.  I vowed to provide more service and to be a better recipient of service in 2013.

While the remaining group portion of the trip was short, I let myself be more pensive and allowed myself to take even more in than I had previously allowed.  

My last night in the Polochic, under the stars, was the best night I have had in years.  To say the least, it was pretty magical to be stripped of all worldly things and to sit in awe of the world around me.  I felt butterflies and felt at peace all at once.

THE WHAT NEXT: After Serving

Ague Caliente. On the way back from the Polochic we stopped at a sulfur waterfall with steaming hot water meeting frigid stream water below.  We were able to go under the waterfall into smaller caves to explore and play.  The hot water was so welcome after a long time with cold showers at the school.  Sleeping on the inflatable battery pump mattresses so many days left my body aching, but it found great relief in the steamy water.  What simple luxuries we have back home: hot water, mattresses, saunas, Jacuzzis…

 

 ABOVE: Alisa and I at Agua Caliente

ABOVE: Me, Chalyce, Sarah (and some lady in the background)

Exploring Tikal.  After the group trip concluded and the volunteers returned home, Daniel and I visited the ruins of Tikal to explore Mayan ruins.  There we learned more about the Mayan calendar and encountered wild species including lemur, turkey, toucan, spider and howler monkey, leaf cutter ants and deadly spiders and saw neat plants we had never seen.  

ABOVE: Our guide showing the balance between the fire ants and the strange plant. 

The ant protects the plant from predators and the plant provides a home for the ant and its larvae.

 

ABOVE: Leaf cutter ants

BELOW: Cool plant

We learned about Mayan beliefs, the way they lived, the differences between Mayans of this area and Mayans in the Mexican region.  One of the beliefs pertains to the tree in the picture below, what Mayans call the Tree of Life. It is believed that if you are sent to the the underworld you would need to descend 9 levels of hell to work off your sins.  Once you have completed the last level you can take hold of the Tree of Life's trunk and can climb it back to the upperworld or heavens. 

Tikal’s ruins dated back to around 800 BC and concluded around 600 AD, a civilization pre-dating the Mexican Mayans.  Currently only 20% of the estimated ruins have been uncovered, and under each ruin are typically one to three other structures from previous regimes!  In order to uncover the remaining ruins archeologists would need to devote time and resources to uncover, restore and maintain the buildings.   

 

Each structure requires 12-15 years of uncovering and re-constructing.  Clearly such an undertaking would require massive amounts of resources that Guatemala does not have.  An investor or archeological group would need to invest funds and resources for such a project.  There aren’t enough private parties that could be hosted on the grounds to fund the projects.

Our guide shared that there had been a wedding on top of Temple 4 last year.  All of the guests had to climb to the top of the temple where a Mayan and a Catholic priest officiated the ceremony.  Daniel and I went to the top and overlooked the rainforest and temples from above the canopy.

Speaking of weddings, I couldn’t help but think what a beautiful place the courtyard between temples 1 & 2 would be to hold a wedding ceremony.  Admittedly, that made me a twinge sad as marriage and a family is something I really want in life yet hasn't quite worked out.  The thought crept into my mind how I wished I could have changed a certain person’s outlook on one thing that has been controversial for us.  We weren't balanced in our views or our acceptance of each other's views...  From those thoughts came the summary of a very important lesson I learned.

The very important lesson:  We can’t change people who don’t want to and seek to change.  We could not help the Que’ chi people if they did not want to be helped and to learn to rise above their poverty.  Similarly we cannot live our lives trying to instigate change in a person.  Change requires motivation.  Motivation is internal.  We cannot motivate, only inspire.
Similarly, balance requires effort. It requires understanding.  It requires humility.

Stalker Alert: Upon our return from Tikal to Guatemala City, our final day in Guatemala, Daniel and I encountered our first and only anti-American sentiments.  Two men targeted me and Daniel in a McCafe where we went so I could use the wi-fi.  After Daniel identified them to me as “stalkers”, the men began to pry as to whether I was American and whether or not I support the US government.  One man in particular said terrible things toward the government to which I responded as politely as possible that it was something I did not want to discuss. 

Then men began cursing at us in Spanish and in English and demanding that we leave the restaurant.  Daniel and I moved locations in the restaurant not willing to leave the public place and still needing to send an email to confirm airport pickup the next day.

From across the restaurant one man yelled obscenities.  Patrons and employees looked down or away completely avoiding confrontation that could get them caught in the mix.  The crazy-eyed more verbose of the men approached us and hovered over our table calling me names I didn’t want Daniel repeating and foretelling the destruction of our race.  He repeatedly told me to leave the restaurant and that I wasn’t welcome in his country.  He threatened to kill me if I did not leave.  After enough badgering I stood up and got back in his face making it clear I was not leaving. 

Finally he went out one door and his cohort went out the other.  They paced outside and we waited.  A store employee offered no support when I asked for help, but thanks to a man who exchanged glances with me multiple times through the harassment who solicited the store manager once the men had gone an armed guard with a machine gun escorted us back to the hotel.  At the hotel we were informed the US Embassy would be notified and we were advised (along with other Americans) not to leave the hotel without an escort.  We stayed in the rest of the night.

ABOVE: Armed men guarding tourists traveling to Tikal (our bus)

We were told by a Guatemalan official that if we left the restaurant without a guard that we were likely to have been taken captive for ransom, sold, or killed.  The US Department of State shares the following:

The number of violent crimes reported by U.S. citizens and other foreigners has remained high and incidents have included, but are not limited to, assault, theft, armed robbery, carjacking, rape, kidnapping, and murder, even in areas of Guatemala City once considered safe, such as Zones 10, 14, and 15. Since December 2008, 31 murders of U.S. citizens have been reported in Guatemala, including six in 2011 and three in 2012. 

Kidnapping Gangs: who are often connected to narcotraffickers, are a concern in both Guatemala City and rural Guatemala…There have been “express” kidnappings in recent years, primarily in Guatemala City, in which kidnappers demand a relatively small ransom that they believe can be quickly gathered. U.S. citizens, although not specifically targeted, have been kidnap victims. Some kidnapping gangs are known to kill their victims whether or not the ransom is paid. In January 2012, a U.S. citizen was kidnapped in Santa Rosa and was reportedly killed when kidnappers did not get the demanded ransom. In August 2012, kidnappers seized a 17 year old in Chiquimula; the child was returned after the family paid a ransom.

More guards near our tour bus

Daniel wrote about this in his journal as the “first time haveing an armed escort” and “first time being thretined becawse I am an American”.  

We discussed the experience and I reinforced that while there are many people in the world who have bad intentions, there are far more people who have good intentions.  There is more goodness in the world than evil and we cannot live our lives in fear of the bad that can occur.  People are inherently good.  It is poverty that drives people to depravity.

Final thoughts

My Poverty: Some people suffer poverty in material things.  Some people suffer poverty of emotional needs.  Others suffer poverty of spirituality.  My poverty is at times self-appreciation and at times balance between wants and needs.  Sometimes I sacrifice the things that most fulfill me in hopes to fulfill needs of others who refuse the aid.  I find that when there is no balance, I neglect myself.

Me and Daniel: We made strides towards developing a richer relationship and embedded new memories of just the two of us into our beings. Continuing on, I want a better relationship with Daniel.  I want us to fill each other's voids.  We have come long ways over the years, but we’re not out of the woods.  This is a continual journey.

The Final Message: There are people all around us who need us and we need them.  They are in our homes, on our streets, at our jobs, in the check-out line and in other countries.  

When our worlds are consumed by our riches, we cannot spare time to provide for another’s poverty.  Then, the connection maintaining our balance disappears.  It is poverty that leads to depravity and love that leads to wealth.  Let us spread love, not poverty.



Final Pictures:

Bakery in Guatemala City 

 

  Buying ice cream in Antigua in front of the beautiful Cathedral

   Enjoying the ice cream and the company

ABOVE: Daniel and Harvest under the cave

ABOVE: Wonderful men looking out for Daniel

ABOVE: A little more sulfur cave time 

 It's the Daniel Show!!!  The boys gather around as the long blonde haired boy laces up his Converse shoes (on the wrong feet!). The kids LOVED Daniel's hair!